I have tried to maintain the good deeds that I had learned after Ramadan, however somewhere in the chaos that is called my daily life I have started to slip, why have I allowed myself to miss the salah when I feel so much guilt, and why do I feel the distance from the Quran and how have I forgotten to get through a whole day without the istighfars and the remembrance of Allah swt that I for so long filled my every free moment with, why have I let myself forget the good lessons that I had learned. I understand that Allah swt does not want to burden us with more than we can handle and by having faith in myself and with the will of Allah swt I am ademant that I can overcome this if I organise myself effectively, I can get the balance right and once again l CAN and WILL become engrossed in the remembrance of Allah swt as only then will I feel at peace.
I feel so sad at times sad that I don’t do enough, sad that my focus is wrong, sad that I wished to achieve so much but ended up with so little of my ambitions being fulfilled, then again in te same breath I feel the guilt for wanting things, things that Allah swt wishes for me to do without, as Allah knows that those things I wished for and tried to work towards where not meant to be for me. I wish for Allah to give me the strength to deal with these thoughts and to understand that in the grand scale of things, I know that they are not important ....but I still have moments when I wish for them. These are tests and challenges that I need to overcome, I need to become stronger in my deen, so strong that my mind no longer ponders on such irrelevant thoughts.
Whilst I was writing this post I got distracted and in my search, I came across a blog called beauty of islam and found the above images and then as I scrolled down I came across this little article by struckbyurlove, I am pretty sure she is the author of this article and her words beautifully sum up, that indeed my struggles are very minor and I should count the endless blessings from Allah swt.
“Sometimes I believe that my struggles are the most painful anxieties of all the anxieties of the world; how can they not be?
But then I think of prophet Muhammad’s struggle and all Ahlul Bayt had to go through and I quickly dismiss my struggles. I think about the oppressor but Allah reminds me of the Banu Israeel in the time of Pharaoh. I find myself thinking about being treated in such an abhorred manner but then Allah reminds me of Yusuf’s outrageous trial. I think about how hard it is to stay patient and Allah reminds me of Yunus being stuck in the stomach of a whale for x amount of years. I think about how having an ultimate fulfilling and blessed family would almost seem impossible, but then Allah reminds me of Ibrahim enjoining partnership with his son Ishmael in building the house of Allah in Makkah. I wonder how much more I can bear of this world and Allah quickly reminds me of Christ’s steadfast attribute. Then, I think about how I might just be a good representation of what a Muslim should be and Allah humbles me with the description of the hypocrites.
But ultimately, I find myself thinking about my future, but Allah reminds me that I still haven’t even lived the present moment to its fullest potential.”
